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Career and work
Female перфекционизм happens it is deadly
Перфекционизм name the main female illness of the XXI-st century. It would Seem, what bad in aspiration always to be on the ball? But consequences перфекционизма, finished excessively, at times happen terrible: depression, an anorexia, a label of "the old maiden», career crash, propensity to a suicide …
«To be perfection – this idea captivates since the childhood, - psychologist Anna Komorina explains. – Loving parents wait from the child of the best marks at school, the highest results in sports, develop creative abilities, hoping if not on genius of the child, then on its talent...
Attempts to correspond to the overestimated expectations develop into discontent with self, a hypersensibility in relations with others, alarm, that with me something not so... »
On this fertile field, according to the psychologist, also grows перфекционизм (perfectus – ideal, made, faultless). And or completely takes hold of your life, or enthrals any of its spheres.
WORK
Excellent estimations at school, institute with the red diploma – an example for imitation and only. Parents are happy: what clear head have grown up – «the sportswoman, the member of the Komsomol»! Knowingly always spoke: «you are not able – do not undertake, and time undertook, be not dishonoured, do only perfectly well!» Now an outstanding career – only a matter of time …
Перфекционистка not only charges itself with such cargo of responsibility and amount of works which did not dream mere mortals, but also successfully consults with all tasks in view, by all means. It – reliable, initiative, in every respect the advanced worker.
«Every evening I fall asleep with the next business plan in a head, – 35-year-old Svetlana shares. – I know, that has climbed up on a career ladder as speak,« on heads », and it is conscious and not without pleasure. And what in it such?« Faster, above, is stronger »is I since the childhood has acquired. However, private life is not got on. For some reason it is not pleasant to men, that during sex I can start to discuss working plans for week».
That's just the point, that in a victim of a trade private life is too often brought. In addition, the labour fanaticism is a stick about two ends. «Перфекционисты are inclined to adhere feeling of own importance to office activity, - Anna Komorina explains. – Therefore they spend too much time for unnecessary details that slows down rate of work and reduces the general efficiency».
And after all the heads will not understand, why commission performance – because of nonprofessionalism or "hyperdiligence" is late. Besides, according to Комориной, перфекционисты can hide the mistakes made by them – not to spoil own faultless image.
Алевтина, 33, the bookkeeper: «I have somehow committed an error in calculations, and the chief has stated me the claims at all collective. I was in a shock condition, but not that was afraid to lose work, or I was excited with consequences. No! In a head one thought fought: what now of me will think?!»
BEAUTY
Love, 24, office-manager: «I very much think much of how I look. I never will leave on street without a make-up. If there is a choice between convenience and эффектностью (whether it be footwear, clothes or a hairdress), I will always choose the last. Each stroke, each detail of my toilet it is thought carefully over, even if I simply go to shop behind bread».
It is the most harmless example – in this degree перфекционизм it is inherent in many women. Much more dangerous and frequently leading to terrible consequences is an anorexia.
Hardly someone should explain today, that it for illness. «The nervous anorexia is an illness of girls-teenagers, at which special warehouse of character – a strongly pronounced emotionality, dependence on high laths and specifications, aspiration to perfection. In 10 % of cases the anorexia is deadly», - Andrey Babin, the doctor-psychiatrist, the psychotherapist of Clinic of a food of the Russian Academy of Medical Science confirms.
Usual case: the woman with an amazing figure has inspired to itself, that somewhere at it on centimetre more thickly, than it is necessary. The verdict – urgently to get rid. The diet, starvation, an exhaustion – "centimetre" already and in помине is not present, but stop it cannot. She perceives any swallowed piece, as inexcusable weakness, deviation from the purpose, she needs to grow thin still, more strongly, how much will sustain …
«The as more defective the person feels itself, the above he establishes standards for itself(himself). I had to face time and again it in practice, - Anna Komorina tells. – the Idea of self-improvement becomes dominating, it removes stress in which lives перфекционист, giving hope that if strongly to try tomorrow it becomes another, more ideal.
Advertising and show business actively play on струнке discontent with self, offering recipes from any imperfections and imposing unrealistic images of supermodels. As a result constant pressure and stress, propensity to a suicide, workaholism, a nervous anorexia... The Medicine for this illness one: to reconsider the relation to and other people, to soften paints, to analyse both positive and negative sides of the behaviour, to allow to be oneself to itself ».
PRIVATE LIFE
If we are fine, also our elect should be fine. Sometimes long waiting of "the person» brings good results. But more often закачивается disappointment and a brand of "the old maiden». One gentleman earns a little, the second is a lot of полноват, at the third «eyes silly» … Unless they are worthy «the perfection»?
Valery, 29 year, the journalist: «At me a large quantity of the acquaintances, some of them look after me, but relations last not for long. I am to be believed, that I will meet the ideal man – the prince on a white game. And if at the man socks full of holes, from a mouth табачищем bears, or it cannot hammer in a nail – what it the prince? Probably, at me the overestimated requirements. It can be fated to me always one. And something can in me not so?».
THE HOUSE
Nobody argues, that cleanliness and an order in the house it is remarkable. It is possible to admire only with the woman who makes every day to the husband a dinner with the original menu from six dishes.
However, thus it does not suppose the hungry spouse to a table while napkins, saltcellars and tablewares are not spread out ideally. If the dinner is not praised in down and ashes – insult, horror from «own imperfection», sincere dissonance, tears. Let alone what dictatorship of an order and cleanliness reigns in the house.
«It is necessary to understand, that statement of the high purposes and healthy maximalism in their achievement – похвальны, - the psychologist summarises. – the same as the serious relation to a choice of the partner in life, a writing of the business plan or preparation of a celebratory supper.
But if, despite of titanic efforts, you are categorically dissatisfied with yourselves; or are harassed from that that «all наперекосяк»; or pathologically depend on another's praise, simply reflect: whether you are happy? »
Attempts to correspond to the overestimated expectations develop into discontent with self, a hypersensibility in relations with others, alarm, that with me something not so... »
On this fertile field, according to the psychologist, also grows перфекционизм (perfectus – ideal, made, faultless). And or completely takes hold of your life, or enthrals any of its spheres.
WORK
Excellent estimations at school, institute with the red diploma – an example for imitation and only. Parents are happy: what clear head have grown up – «the sportswoman, the member of the Komsomol»! Knowingly always spoke: «you are not able – do not undertake, and time undertook, be not dishonoured, do only perfectly well!» Now an outstanding career – only a matter of time …
Перфекционистка not only charges itself with such cargo of responsibility and amount of works which did not dream mere mortals, but also successfully consults with all tasks in view, by all means. It – reliable, initiative, in every respect the advanced worker.
«Every evening I fall asleep with the next business plan in a head, – 35-year-old Svetlana shares. – I know, that has climbed up on a career ladder as speak,« on heads », and it is conscious and not without pleasure. And what in it such?« Faster, above, is stronger »is I since the childhood has acquired. However, private life is not got on. For some reason it is not pleasant to men, that during sex I can start to discuss working plans for week».
That's just the point, that in a victim of a trade private life is too often brought. In addition, the labour fanaticism is a stick about two ends. «Перфекционисты are inclined to adhere feeling of own importance to office activity, - Anna Komorina explains. – Therefore they spend too much time for unnecessary details that slows down rate of work and reduces the general efficiency».
And after all the heads will not understand, why commission performance – because of nonprofessionalism or "hyperdiligence" is late. Besides, according to Комориной, перфекционисты can hide the mistakes made by them – not to spoil own faultless image.
Алевтина, 33, the bookkeeper: «I have somehow committed an error in calculations, and the chief has stated me the claims at all collective. I was in a shock condition, but not that was afraid to lose work, or I was excited with consequences. No! In a head one thought fought: what now of me will think?!»
BEAUTY
Love, 24, office-manager: «I very much think much of how I look. I never will leave on street without a make-up. If there is a choice between convenience and эффектностью (whether it be footwear, clothes or a hairdress), I will always choose the last. Each stroke, each detail of my toilet it is thought carefully over, even if I simply go to shop behind bread».
It is the most harmless example – in this degree перфекционизм it is inherent in many women. Much more dangerous and frequently leading to terrible consequences is an anorexia.
Hardly someone should explain today, that it for illness. «The nervous anorexia is an illness of girls-teenagers, at which special warehouse of character – a strongly pronounced emotionality, dependence on high laths and specifications, aspiration to perfection. In 10 % of cases the anorexia is deadly», - Andrey Babin, the doctor-psychiatrist, the psychotherapist of Clinic of a food of the Russian Academy of Medical Science confirms.
Usual case: the woman with an amazing figure has inspired to itself, that somewhere at it on centimetre more thickly, than it is necessary. The verdict – urgently to get rid. The diet, starvation, an exhaustion – "centimetre" already and in помине is not present, but stop it cannot. She perceives any swallowed piece, as inexcusable weakness, deviation from the purpose, she needs to grow thin still, more strongly, how much will sustain …
«The as more defective the person feels itself, the above he establishes standards for itself(himself). I had to face time and again it in practice, - Anna Komorina tells. – the Idea of self-improvement becomes dominating, it removes stress in which lives перфекционист, giving hope that if strongly to try tomorrow it becomes another, more ideal.
Advertising and show business actively play on струнке discontent with self, offering recipes from any imperfections and imposing unrealistic images of supermodels. As a result constant pressure and stress, propensity to a suicide, workaholism, a nervous anorexia... The Medicine for this illness one: to reconsider the relation to and other people, to soften paints, to analyse both positive and negative sides of the behaviour, to allow to be oneself to itself ».
PRIVATE LIFE
If we are fine, also our elect should be fine. Sometimes long waiting of "the person» brings good results. But more often закачивается disappointment and a brand of "the old maiden». One gentleman earns a little, the second is a lot of полноват, at the third «eyes silly» … Unless they are worthy «the perfection»?
Valery, 29 year, the journalist: «At me a large quantity of the acquaintances, some of them look after me, but relations last not for long. I am to be believed, that I will meet the ideal man – the prince on a white game. And if at the man socks full of holes, from a mouth табачищем bears, or it cannot hammer in a nail – what it the prince? Probably, at me the overestimated requirements. It can be fated to me always one. And something can in me not so?».
THE HOUSE
Nobody argues, that cleanliness and an order in the house it is remarkable. It is possible to admire only with the woman who makes every day to the husband a dinner with the original menu from six dishes.
However, thus it does not suppose the hungry spouse to a table while napkins, saltcellars and tablewares are not spread out ideally. If the dinner is not praised in down and ashes – insult, horror from «own imperfection», sincere dissonance, tears. Let alone what dictatorship of an order and cleanliness reigns in the house.
«It is necessary to understand, that statement of the high purposes and healthy maximalism in their achievement – похвальны, - the psychologist summarises. – the same as the serious relation to a choice of the partner in life, a writing of the business plan or preparation of a celebratory supper.
But if, despite of titanic efforts, you are categorically dissatisfied with yourselves; or are harassed from that that «all наперекосяк»; or pathologically depend on another's praise, simply reflect: whether you are happy? »